Everything else. (If you're not sure where to post, post it in here)
#3121
Meanwhile in a normally quiet side street in London ...


What a morning……
8:00 I made a snowman.
8:10 A feminist passed by and asked me why I didn’t make a snow woman.
8:15 I made a snow woman.
8:17 The nanny of the neighbours complained about the snow woman's voluptuous chest.
8:20 The gay couple living nearby grumbled that it could have been two snowmen instead.
8:25 The vegans at No. 12 complained about the carrot nose, as veggies are food and not to decorate snow figures with.
8:28 I am being called a racist because the snow couple is white.
8:31 The Muslim gent across the road wants the snow woman to wear a headscarf.
8:40 Someone calls the cops who show up to see what’s going on.
8:42 I am told that the broomstick of the snowman needs to be removed because it could be used as a deadly weapon. Things get worse after I mutter : "Yeah, if it's up your a***"
8:52 My phone is seized and thoroughly checked while I am blindfolded and flown to the police station in a helicopter.
9:00 I'm on the news as a suspected terrorist bent on stirring up trouble at this sensitive time.
9:10 I am asked if I have any accomplices.
9:29 A little known jihadist group has claimed it was their plot.



Done with this!! I will never make a snowman, snow woman or snow whatever again. It’s too dangerous!! .... and I didn't even name it Padmavati.
#3449
Mr Cadbury met Miss Rowntree on a Double Decker.

It was just After Eight.

They got off at Quality Street, and had a drink in Mars bar.

He asked her name. 'Polo, I'm the one with the hole' she said with a Wispa.

'I'm Marathon, the one with the nuts' he replied.

He touched her Cream Eggs, which was a Kinder Surprise for her.

Then he slipped his hand into her Snickers, which made her Ripple.

He fondled her Jelly Babies and she rubbed his Tic Tacs.

Soon they were Heart Throbs.

It was a Fab moment as she screamed in Turkish Delight.

But, 3 days later, his Sherbet Dip Dab started to itch.

Turns out Miss Rowntree had been with Bertie Bassett and he had Allsorts!
#3553
Donald Trump is meeting The Queen, and he says to her:

“As I'm the President, I'm thinking of changing how the country is referred to, and I'm thinking that it should be a Kingdom."

To which the Queen replies. ‘I'm sorry Mr Trump, but to be a Kingdom, you have to have a King in charge - and you're not a King."

Donald Trump thought a while and then said: "How about a Principality then?" to which the Queen replied, "Again, to be a Principality you have to be a Prince - and you're not a Prince, Mr Trump”

Trump thought long and hard and came up with, "How about an Empire then?"
The Queen, getting a little pissed off by now replied, " Sorry again, Mr Trump, but to be an Empire you must have an Emperor in charge - and you are not an Emperor."

Before Trump could utter another word, The Queen said: "I think you're doing quite nicely as a Country."
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