- Sat Feb 03, 2018 6:39 pm
Had a row with my wife last night and she threw a bottle of fabric conditioner that only just missed my head.
It must have been Lenor because it was a bit too close for Comfort.
George Bush goes to hell. Satan is already there waiting for him and says 'Well, I don't know what to do. See, you're on my list, but I have no free rooms for you. But you, you definitely have to stay in hell, so I'll have to find a solution. There are a few people here who aren't as bad as you are... I guess I'll let one go and you'll take their place. However, you can choose whose place you want to take.
'Oh, that sounds okay I guess' says Bush.
Satan leads him to the first room and opens the door. In this room, there's a huge swimming pool. In it, Reagan is drowning. He goes down, then up, then down, then up, and he's gasping for air all the while.
'Oh, no,' says Bush. 'That's not for me, I'm a poor swimmer.' Satan opens the second door. The room is full of rocks and they see Nixon trying to break up the rocks with a wooden hammer.
'Nah, I have problems with my shoulders and my back, that'd be such a painful thing to do day after day.' So Satan opens the third door.
In the room, they see Clinton lying on the floor, all tied up. Monica Lewinsky is lying on top of Clinton, giving him a blowjob. Bush stares at the scene with a wide smile and says: 'Ah, that I could endure!' 'Alright,' laughs Satan. 'Monica, you're free to go!'
Whenever I'm in trouble, I think: what would Jesus do?
Then I pretend to be dead and disappear for three days.